


Enterprise Medical Log

by cable69



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 22:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5392286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cable69/pseuds/cable69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>05:14: Have calmed down slightly. Christine has removed all hyposprays from the vicinity. Probably a good idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enterprise Medical Log

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on ff.net; unedited

Enterprise Medical Log, stardate 2260.1, Chief Medical Officer Leonard Horatio McCoy recording.

05:02: Goddammit, Jim. You fucking idiot. ARGH. Okay, no, calm. CMO, that’s my job. I’m here to heal. Not—not stab my goddamn superior officers with a hypospray however much I dearly believe they deserve it.

05:14: Have calmed down slightly. Christine has removed all hyposprays from the vicinity. Probably a good idea.

05:15: God it’s early. Did he really have to antagonize the Klingon outpost on Qotos IX at some ungodly hour of the morning? The answer is NO.

05:15.5: It occurs to me that technically, it’s five o’clock. Sure, in the morning, but if now’s not a good time to start drinking then I don’t know when is.

05:16: Christine has, evidently, also removed all alcohol from the vicinity. Also probably a good idea.

06:24: Ensign Chekov woke up with a pretty bad stomach virus. I pumped him full of rhynenalzenine and sent him to the cafeteria for starches.

06:27: Lieutenant Sulu also has stomach virus. Am sending out level five—lowest level—shipwide alert.

06:34: Sulu’s shift doesn’t start until 10:00; I wonder why he’s up so early. He wasn’t throwing up like Chekov, just said he felt like he might.

06:34.5: … surely not…

06:36: Have just accessed Deck Five, Corridor Eight video. Sulu and Chekov emerge from Chekov’s room within minutes of each other.

06:37: I HAVE to tell somebody. Who can I tell? Not Jim. Oh God, never Jim, he would have them for breakfast.

06:38: Am heading down to caf for breakfast, having reminded self of food. Christine’s coming with; am leaving Jabilo to hold down fort.

06:59: Uhura also in caf. Couldn’t resist. Spilled to her and Christine. Feel like a blue-haired old lady chatting with her Baptist church friends over iced tea and cucumber finger-sandwiches. Have possibly become my grandmother.

07:18: Have returned to medbay to find Sulu waiting for me. Shit.

07:30: Does Uhura have to have such a big mouth? Sulu says, “The question is, do you have to have such a big mouth?” I do not have a big mouth.

07:30.5: Well, alright, he has a point. My mouth is rather largish.

07:31: Jim said pretty much the same thing two nights ago over whiskey but I’m not sure what he meant by it. Huh.

07:35: Message from bridge. Evidently we were running away from the Klingons and they have now caught up with us. Red alert. Exchanged eye-rolls with Christine.

07:37: Klingon ship destroyed. Clearly they haven’t got much in the way of armor. This probably hasn’t done any favors for Jim’s ego.

07:38: Dear God, it hasn’t. He just came on the intercom sounding like somebody had promoted him to fleet admiral for taking a two-man scout ship out. Joanna could have destroyed the thing.

07:39: You know, I haven’t even seen him today, technically. Was awoken at 04:42 this morning by red alert and dashed to sickbay only to discover one midshipman with a broken pinky, and that was from tripping over a pipe wrench. Evidently Kirk accidentally slept with the Klingon counsel on Qotos IX’s wife and that’s why we had to skedaddle. 

07:40: How you accidentally sleep with a Klingon’s wife is beyond me. Did he trip? 

07:41: Feel oddly jealous. Cannot figure out why.

08:00: Official start of my shift. Continuing to bravely restrain self from marching to bridge and strangling captain. Have already been up for three damn hours.

08:11: Have had another visit from Sulu. Evidently somebody told Jim about him and Chekov. Jim will not shut up about it. Sulu pointed out that since all of this was my fault, I should be the one to come make Jim be quiet. Pointed out that no power in the ‘verse could make Jim be quiet. At which point Sulu started yelling at me.

08:12: Have given Sulu a sedative and agreed to do something about Jim. Left Christine and Jabilo to deal with possible catastrophes and am heading to bridge, slightly bemused helmsman in tow.

08:14: On bridge. Chekov attempting to set me on fire with the power of his mind. Uhura clearly concealing laughter. Spock calmly asking what brings me to the bridge. Might have to kill all of them.

08:46: Well, that could have gone better. Taking a few minutes to recover and remove splinters before explaining.

08:50: Drew Jim aside and attempted to explain to him that he was the captain, not a comedian, and to be nice to Sulu and Chekov. He gave me his trademarked “innocent little moi?” expression as my lecture drew to an end. Found self strangely focused on his lips. At which point a cloaked Klingon bird of prey de-cloaked and fired on us. So, you know, battlestations and such. I started to dash back down to sickbay and prepare for injuries, but the bird of prey cloaked again and Jim told me to stay topside, so I did. Christine let me know that they hadn’t received any casualties yet. Evidently the hit hadn’t caused much damage. 

They did battle-type stuff and I was ignored, so I found myself pondering the captain’s pectorals, which was just as surprising to me as it was to him, once he saw where my eyes were focused on. He looked like he was about to say something but the bird of prey de-cloaked again—I think the thing was focused on my brainwaves or something for optimal timing—so he did the captain routine and I hung around. Finally he let me head back to sickbay after I extracted a promise from him concerning Sulu and Chekov.  
08:51: The splinters, by they way, came from me walking back to my room to get my PADD and possibly relieving my frustration by punching my dresser.

08:52: Forgot to add—as I was leaving, his fingers brushed mine.

08:52.5: What do you mean I can’t erase log entries? What kind of shitty system is this? Disregard previous entry.

11:42: Have been working on inventory all day. Christine figured out a vaccine for the Dactyllan copper disease. Have decided to head to bridge to request inclusion of vaccine formula report in daily sending to Starfleet.

11:49: Memo to self: Never go to bridge without a sedative. Compulsion to kill Jim increasing. No man has ever irritated me this much.

12:00: Lunch. Eating with Sulu and Chekov, who have forgiven me. Thank god, because the combined power of their wrath could not kill a man. They both need to work on being more intimidating.

15:35: Have been in lab with Spock working on categorizing organic substances. We had a bit of a conversation. Spock felt the need to point out that everybody on the bridge had noticed me staring at Jim’s chest. I felt the need to point out that everybody on the bridge was tired of Uhura’s completely non-subtle, prideful comments about Spock’s penis size. Spock felt the need to point out that I was irrational human and Uhura’s comments about (and I quote) “the girth of my intelligence” were not careful references to his sexual organs. I felt the need to vomit (restrained self). He felt the need to leave.

16:58: Just got back from Jim’s room. Feel shivery. He dragged me there to help him pick out an outfit for the dinner we’re having on Erit III even though when Starfleet officers are invited to ceremonial events on planets regulations state that they are required to wear their formal uniforms so he had no actual reason for dragging me to his room in the first place.

16:59: Am putting way too much thought into visualizing Jim changing clothes.

17:00: … have developed physical side effects. Shit. 

17:20: Dressed for dinner. It’s with the Starfleet brass in the area and the rulers of Erit III, a six-man council who control all of the mining operations on their planet. We’ve been told to all but suck them off to get their cooperation. Should be fun.

17:20.5: “Fun” here meaning “a great opportunity to stab my eyes out.”

17:23: Jim has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face and I have no idea why and it’s worrying me quite a bit. Spock also looks worried by Jim’s facial expression (as well he should be). Scotty just looks like a madman in his kilt. We’re all in the transporter room, waiting to beam down.

17:24: As we were about to beam, Kirk said, “You look great in dress, Bones.”

17:24.5: I look great? Me? Has he seen himself in a mirror? His dress uniform makes him look like a god. His chest is just about the most sculpted thing I’ve ever seen. He’s done something with his hair, too, so that’s it’s—really shiny, and beautifully styled, and those pants make his ass look incredible.

17:25: I will deny saying any of that under oath.

18:56: In bathroom in middle of dinner. God, this is so boring. At least the head of the council keeps hitting on Spock, which is hilarious. And the food’s not half bad. However, disturbingly, cannot keep eyes off of Jim. Damn uniform, makin’ his muscles look all… muscle-y.

20:45: Well, shit. I just made out with Jim. I don’t know whether to throw up or jack off.

20:46: Decision: neither. Must find him.

20:57: Jim located on bridge, still in dress uniform, bright red. Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, and Spock all staring at him as he attempted to ascertain the status of the ship before going to bed. He was having trouble speaking. “Jim,” I said from the turbolift. “A word?” He whipped around like I was a ghost and stared at me. Everybody stared at him. “Uh,” he said. There was still more staring.

“Captain,” said Spock. “I believe the Enterprise is secure. You may safely retire for the night.”

And then he WINKED at me. Spock WINKED at me. With his EYE.

What the hell is going on?

23:38: Things have gotten… better? Possibly worse. Let me explain.

See, the dinner went swimmingly; we got the council on our side about the mining rights and everything. Spock shucked off his stalker (politely) and we beamed up. And I, because I had gone totally off the deep end, asked Jim if he’d like to have a drink with me in my room. So we had a drink in my room. Well, more than one drink. But not too many drinks. Not nearly enough drinks to start making out like a couple of rabid rabbits. Even though we did start making out as such, which confused me initially, and then turned me on (even more), and then Uhura came over the intercom for Jim, and Jim pulled away and looked at me like I was his stepfather or something and fled. Didn’t really blame him, as I was equally discomfited.

Bridge episode followed, which I have described. We came back to my room, and had a bit of a talk, and uh. Well, basically, I’m putting my clothes back on. Oh, shit—

23:39: Christine. At the door. Thankfully Jim was in the bathroom. Answered in a robe and accepted the PADD she handed to me to sign. She was grinning hugely for some indiscernible reason. No harm done, though.

23:40: Fucking fucker fuck. Jim’s discarded uniform was in clear view of the door. I would try to hope she didn’t see that it has the captain’s insignia on it instead of the CMO’s, but since our uniforms are different colors, it really doesn’t matter.

23:41: Told Jim what happened; punched Jim when he laughed.

23:42: Bed now. Jim is staying, evidently. Not that I’m complaining.

02:17: Awoken by urge to use the restroom. Did so, stumbling. Have come back to find extremely sexy man laid across my bed, snoring wildly. Is that really Jim? I just can’t believe this. He’s my best friend. And my captain. There are regulations against this. Also, societal rules. And… rules of… sanity. What I’m trying to say is, there are about eight million reasons that this is very very bad.

And yet I don’t seem to care.

03:24: Couldn’t resist awakening object of my desire with smoldering kisses, which led to other, wonderful things. Should go back to sleep now. Can’t. Jim’s too sexy.

03:25: Zzzzzzzzzz.

04:43: Goddammit, Jim, I was asleep. I know your shift’s starting soon, but do I really have to deal with your morning wood? Yes I mind you waking me up at this ungodly hour, you beautiful idiot.

05:02: Huh, turns out I don’t mind as much as I thought I would.


End file.
